The Caregiver Chronicles: Who am I?

Friends, here I´m again. I know, more and more time passes between posts of these Caregiver Chronicles, but you won’t believe it, even though I’m not working, I’m busier than ever. And yes,  I’m still unemployed; I send about 20 resumes a day, but honestly, I think they go straight to the SPAM or trash folder. And those who respond send me answers like this (I copy and paste as is):

“Good afternoon Nuria,

I hope you are well. After several phone interviews, I just want to inform you that we have ultimately chosen another person who fits perfectly with our needs.

We want to emphasize that the decision in no way reflects a lack of appreciation for your skills.

We thank you again for your interest in joining our team, and we wish you much success in your future professional endeavors.

If you have any questions or if there is anything specific we can help you with, please feel free to contact us.

Regards”

What do you think? Well, I have several of these, in Spanish and in English, and many are almost identical verbatim. I don’t know if I prefer them to answer me or ignore me… Ummmm, I don’t really know… But well, today I’m not here to talk about my job search; I’m here to continue with the Caregiver Chronicles. This time, I want to talk about one of the following stages of the disease. The eternal question: Who am I?

Until now, my mother has forgotten how to do certain tasks, the names of almost all her family (except her sister), names of objects, who I am, my children, but whenever you asked her what her name was or who she was, she was clear. “I am Carmen Soria.” Well, for a few weeks now, when, for example, we are recording a video for our TikTok profile (yes, yes, it’s my account, but all the followers I have are  my mother´s fans, its like I don´t exist there, hahaha), she looks at her reflection on the phone and says, “Who is that?” and I say, “It’s you,” and she says, “No, no, that’s an old lady,” and I ask her who she is, and she says, “I don’t know who I am, and I don’t know who you are, and I don’t know where I am.” I repeat that she is Carmen and I am Nuria, her daughter, and I show her, her reflection again, but when she looks at herself, she has a look of confusion and anguish and asks again, “Who is that?”.

This makes me reflect, in reality, who am I? Who is Nuria? What am I doing here? I am more and more convinced that we live in the Matrix and that all this is actually a figment of our imagination, that we can do whatever we want. And that’s when I think: if that’s the case, why do some people want to forget, or have they really found themselves and only their “real” mind is already in another dimension? Hahaha, okay, okay, I think I lost you in “who am I?” But stop and think: who are you? Who do you think you are? Are you sure? Hahaha, sorry, in the end, I have to laugh at everything that happens to me because facing reality is often tough, and living in oblivion, I think, can be easier.

So, that’s my story today. I would like to know who you are, who you want to be, or…. it doesn’t matter, do whatever you want as always. Gotta go, I’m sleepy. Good night.