The word of the day has to be indignation. Let´s see, what part of DO NOT LEAVE YOUR F**KING HOUSE do people not understand? I want to think that maybe these people don’t have TV or Internet at home and haven’t heard the news. Perhaps they have mental comprehension difficulties or, simply, the answer that seems most accurate to me is that these people are selfish, ignorant, or simply idiots.

The four of us (well, five counting the dog) locked up at home. All my kids do is look out the window, seeing a splendid sun and a beautiful day. They complain about not being able to go out to play soccer, go to the gym or meet up with their friends, while they watch the gang of unconscious people walking through the streets, happily infecting each other, without worries. In addition, my kids ask me: “Why can’t we go outside?” To which I respond while taking a deep breath: “Because we are responsible, obedient human beings and we want to prevent a massive contagion that could not only destroy lives, businesses and families, but also trigger a crisis from which it would be difficult to escape.”

After calming down, accepting the ignorance of many and being grateful to be surrounded by responsible family and friends, my day began. What to do? What to do? My to-do list seemed to have grown since yesterday and I didn’t know where to start. But of course, before I start to do anything, I hear, “MOM, MOM, MOM, MOMAAAAAAAAAA!” f****, my f****g blind just broke! HELP!” There I go, the most useless of all (Those who know me, know that I am good for nothing, well, at least for handyman shit).

Indeed, the blind was completely down and would not go up. So I went to get the ladder and make a videocall to my boyfriend in Madrid, “the handyman” (although with little patience for my dramas). We started the videocall and at the beginning all-good. My son was on top of the ladder and my boyfriend was giving him instructions (those who know us also know that my son is equal to or better than me when it comes to handy shit, that is, he is a zero, and my daughter who is the expert in these things, at the time was on a video conference with 20 teenagers “fixing the world,” she says).

Anyway, after several exchanges of “Damn, don’t move the phone because I don’t see anything!”, “This is f****g shit”, “Listen to me”, “This is not going to work”, my son manages to remove the cover of the aluminum blind with so much force that he breaks his lamp!

At this point (my boyfriend had already hung up on us several times out of impotence hahahahaha), we decided to abort the mission… I called the insurance and they told me to go f*** myself… Anyway, I’m still looking for a handyman who dares to come to my house (that is not contaminated… umm, on second thought, it’s better for my son to stay in his cave, in the darkness).

From there I went on to try to help my son with his new Chromecast-type device so he could watch Netflix on his TV… And more of the same story as above: video call to the “handyman”, who after 5 minutes had already suffered enough with our last incompetence that he himself aborted the mission. At this point my son and decided to abort the mission as well, we closed the door to his room and decided to forget about it for a while.

What f***g stress! I haven´t started my to-do list and now I have more things to do… I decide to check all my messages and I have videos and memes to bore… I called my neighbors friends to exercise together… You don’t know how many f****g differnet types of You Tube videos there are to do exercise, you can go crazy. I opted for a channel called GymVirtual (recommendation from my Super friend Tere). And there we go, all super cute with our sports outfits (well, super cute, super cute not really). We start the video on Zoom, me sharing the screen…

Let´s see, I have known my “neighbor friends” (I always called them my neighbors, but on my 50th birthday, they were outraged when I introduced them like that to my other friends. They said to me: “We are YOUR FRIENDS.” So for now on, for your reference, I will call them “neighborfriends”). Well, in reality, we hadn´t really practiced sports of any type together (unless drinking beers is a sport) and, my goodness, what I discovered… No coordination, spirit, elasticity…

A total disaster hahahahahaha. It was super fun as I watched them all working out I would cheer them on, GO, move that ass! Move that arm! Up, Down! hahahahahaha. We really had a great time and we sweated like shit. We have decided to meet every day to continue with our fit goal, and of course, tomorrow Sunday we will meet for the “virtual appetizer”.

And what else can I tell you… So far so good… My kids keep fighting, now over who is going to walk the dog… Who knew… hahahahahaha. My mother continues to be surprised by what is happening, because when she hears the news, for her it is like the first time she hears it.

Daily reflection: I started out outraged by the idiots, frustrated by my lack of agility in manual and technological matters, but I ended up being grateful for the time I am spending with my family and virtual friends. These days I will tell you more in detail about all this and how I am coping with my perimenopause stage in “full swing.” We’ll see…


“Don’t leave your f***ing house.”