Before starting this post, just in case you haven’t noticed, I’ve decided to separate my personal life from my professional life. It seems that neither side of my life pleases the other, so, to avoid problems or complaints—and because I tend to be very all-or-nothing—I’ve decided it’s either one thing or the other. On my website, nuricoco.com, you can read all about my personal life (and now maybe I’ll share even more intimate things—who knows). On the other hand, on my site nuriapendas.com, you’ll find more professional topics about marketing, technology, and AI (my new passion). Well, now I can start today’s post, in which I want to talk about one of the hardest decisions I’m going to have to make…

What is this difficult decision you have to make, Nuria? I’m talking about the possibility of placing my mother in a nursing home or holding out and continuing to care for her at home. As you already know, my mother has Level 3 dependency and advanced senile dementia. She is completely dependent for everything and requires constant attention—we can’t leave her alone for even 5 minutes anymore.

Lately, we’ve started to realize that this is no longer sustainable. Caring for an elderly person 24/7 is an incredibly difficult task, even for multiple people. And while we love having her with us, it’s starting to take an emotional and physical toll on us.

So, what to do? This is not a decision that can be made lightly. Last year, I applied for a place in a public nursing home, knowing it would take time, and I thought, “Well, by the time it’s available, we’ll all be ready.” But her illness has progressed more rapidly than we anticipated, and we’ve given ourselves until the end of the year to move her into a facility.

The good thing about a nursing home, I believe, is that my mother would have access to constant medical care, social and physical activities, and a safe, welcoming environment. She’d also have the opportunity to meet other seniors and make new friends, which is important for her emotional well-being.

Even so, making this decision is incredibly difficult, and the closer the date gets, the more I find myself reconsidering everything. We know that my mother feels more comfortable at home, surrounded by her belongings and by us. We’re also worried that she might feel abandoned or sad at first. However, we also know that her health and well-being are the most important things, and we can’t continue sacrificing our own health and well-being to care for her at home.

The social workers tell me that a spot in a public nursing home will take a year or more to become available. But we have two options: either pay for a private nursing home ourselves until a public one becomes available, or accept a subsidy of about €700 to help cover the cost of a private one—though this would remove us from the public waiting list. That said, the cost of a private nursing home for a Level 3 patient ranges from €2,300 to €3,500. So, if we add the €700 they’d give us for removing her from the list + her non-contributory pension of about €450… hmm, the math doesn’t add up, haha.

After all of this, maybe the hardest decision isn’t the one I have to make, but rather the only option left: keeping her at home no matter what, haha.