I don’t know what’s happening to me these days, but I don’t have time for anything, or maybe I just don’t make time for anything. I don’t know, it could be the heat, my advanced age, menopause… Something is preventing me from writing more often, and I miss it, so let’s see if I can be a bit more disciplined. Today I wanted to write because, as always, a series of things have happened that make me reflect, and I like to share these with you. Let’s see if you also reflect or simply think… Nuria is such an idiot, hahaha! I’m joking, don’t start judging… Here we go!

You all know that my life is a roller coaster (like everyone else’s). The only difference is that sometimes I feel like my roller coaster doesn’t have a seatbelt or a STOP button, so the ride is continuous, and I’m holding on for dear life. Currently, I think I’m in the part of the ride where you go down super, super fast (I’m holding on tight because otherwise…) and I’m about to go back up (and we all know what happens after you go up, hahaha!). Anyway, I’ll continue, otherwise, this post will be eternal. I realize that I’m at a point in my life where I don’t care about anything, but at the same time, everything worries me, hahaha, it’s just… hahaha. Okay, okay, I’ll get to the point, damn it!

I’ll start with the little “crappy” things that have happened to me that have made me reflect. First, in the past few weeks, I’ve run into people I hadn’t seen in a long time. I was very happy to see some of them and not so much others. The thing is, I realized that each person treated me differently depending on where I left them last time, meaning what my life situation was at that time and how I was doing. For example, one person said to me, “I’m great, I have a job, the family is fine, everything is going super well” and added “I’m sorry,” as if to say they felt bad for doing well because they assumed everything was going bad for me (well, it’s understandable, hahaha!) and they looked at me with pity. It made me think that you leave an impression on each person you interact with, and they hold on to what they perceive from you. Often, they don’t go beyond asking you or trying to understand why you feel that way or if you still feel that way. The situation felt a bit awkward, and I replied, “I’m sorry that you feel you have to feel that way,” I turned around, and walked away, hahahahaha!

Another curious thing that has happened and opened my eyes a bit is the topic of being a woman. I don’t consider myself a feminist because I believe that word has taken on a definition that isn’t accurate. I’m pro-equality and pro-doing whatever you want as long as you don’t harm anyone. But, in an equality training course I attended, I realized that women still have a long way to go and that, even though I like to think I’m modern and liberal, I come from a generation where patriarchy reigned (it still does, but a bit more lightly) and I made me realize all the things I’ve done or NOT done because of what people might say or because “a woman doesn’t do that.”

When I was young, I was very liberal (ahead of my time), and I was criticized for every bit. Instead of continuing with my thoughts and actions, I decided to conform to society and do what everyone expected from me. Now I realize that I haven’t been honest with myself, that I’ve done a disservice to other women, especially the next generations, and that out of fear of what people might say, I’ve been a coward.

With this post, I want to encourage all women (or men) who are held back by fear of what people might say  and I want to tell them to please think about what they really want, what they would do if no one judged them, and do all those things that are inside them.

I’m going to try to find a seatbelt for my roller coaster so I can enjoy the ride freely. I’m also going to try to find the STOP button, not to stop it completely, but so I could hit the pause button from time to time.