Don’t get scared by the title, no one’s going to the emergency room. Well, if you don’t like today’s chronicle, maybe you’ll get sick and have to go to the doctor. Just kidding, today’s going to be fun. I’ve been promising a fun post for weeks now, and each week, I get a little closer. Being a caregiver, as you’ve been reading every week, has a lot of drama—if it’s not one thing, it’s another. Today, we’ll talk about doctor visits and how funny they can be. So, let’s go to the doctor…

I’m not sure if many of you (I’m talking to the loyal followers—well, I talk to the rest of you too, but I’m assuming you don’t know anything, haha) know this, but my mother was born with four fingers on each hand. When she was little, around 4 or 5 years old, she had to have surgery to close the space where the missing finger was (the middle finger, I think it’s called). Anyway, back in 1942, surgeries weren’t very advanced, and apparently, they sat her in a chair, told her not to look, so she looked up. What they didn’t realize was that there was a lamp or mirror above her that reflected everything. The thing is, they didn’t give her much anesthesia, so the combination of pain and being able to see everything traumatized her for life. Since then, she’s had a fear of needles and doctors.

Okay, I know, you want me to get to the point of today’s chronicle, but I always say I need to put everything in context. So now that we’re all caught up, let’s begin. When you’re a caregiver, one of your responsibilities is taking the person you care for to the doctor. I’m a little lucky because, for the most part, my mom is in good health. She has osteoarthritis in one hip, takes pills for her blood pressure, and has an inguinal hernia (which we’ll talk about in detail now). Doctor visits are usually once a year for a blood test, and it’s almost always perfect. Our doctor (we all go to the same one) always says, “I don’t know what you guys do in your family, but you have perfect blood tests,” and I always say, “We drink a lot of beer,” and she replies, “Well, keep it up!”

Now back to the hernia. So, the hernia is like a tennis ball in her right groin, it’s always a little sticking out, and it looks like she has an egg there, haha. The problem is that when she exerts herself in any way, it pops out completely, and I realize because she starts saying, “My stomach hurts.” At first, I thought it was gas, so I’d give her some pills and tell her, “Just fart,” but the first time it happened, I took her to the ER, and that’s when they told me that her hernia had popped out and they needed to push it back in. They’d push it in, and that was it. So now, whenever she tells me her stomach hurts, I check the hernia, and sure enough, it’s out. So at least once every couple of months, I have to take her to the health center to have it pushed back in.

Today, I want to tell you about the last time this happened. Everything was calm at home, and then my mom says, “My stomach hurts,” and I think, “Oh no, here we go.” So, off to the ER (they know us by now), we go, and we wait to be seen. When our turn comes, we enter the consultation room, and the doctor, who I think had just passed (or maybe hadn’t) his medical exam, looked about 15 years old, haha. Anyway, I explain the situation, and he lies my mom down on the examination table, pulls down her pants, and starts moving the hernia. My mom starts shaking and screaming, “Ahhhh, that hurts, ahhh!” And then, a nurse comes in. Thankfully, this nurse was older (about my age), and he looks at the doctor and says, “Is everything okay?” The doctor replies, “Yeah, everything’s great. I just put my first hernia back in.” The expressions on the nurse’s and my face were priceless… My mom finally stops screaming, and the doctor says to me, “It’s really easy. If you want, I can teach you how to do it so you don’t have to come back.” And I was like, “Okay.” So, he proceeds to give me a masterclass on how to push the tennis ball back into the groin.

Anyway, we leave there, my mom feeling better with no pain, and we get home when my aunt calls to talk to my mom (and this isn’t the first time this has happened). My aunt asks my mom how she’s doing, and my mom replies, “Well, I just came from a place where a young, handsome guy put it in for me, and I feel really good.” Anyway… With that, I’ll leave you for today, just telling you that doctor visits can be a lot of fun if you make it that way.

What do you think? I look forward to reading your comments.