Hello again, everyone. This is starting to pick up, I know. I started a bit dark, but little by little, I’ll sprinkle in some light so you don’t drift to the other side. We’ve been at this for several weeks now, and we’ve been through a lot together. I’ve gotten serious (it was necessary), I’ve spoken to you from the heart (maybe a bit too much), and I’ve slowly tried to explain my life as a caregiver. I always say this: it’s not easy, it’s not always funny, it’s really hard, but there are some things I take with a lot of humor because they’re really very funny. Today, I want to talk about meals (uff, talking about food is hard for me since I’ve been dieting for months). I hope you’re hungry…

Before I start, those who know me well know I’m useless in the kitchen. I’ve never liked cooking, I’m not good at it, and my relationship with food has always been a love-hate relationship. So, starting from that baseline, meals in my house—whether I’m a caregiver or not—have always been a bit of a mess. Now even more, since my little one isn’t around anymore; she was the only one who somewhat managed the menus. Look, I save recipes I find on TikTok or IG, but I just save them, hahaha. Rarely do I ever actually make them.

Anyway, moving on: meals when you’re a caregiver. Just like when you’re a mom, it’s your responsibility to think of different menus for the family, ones that are healthy, varied, and that everyone will like. Hahahaha, it seems like an easy task (I imagine it is for people who love to cook; for me, it’s a nightmare). But, putting my son aside (who does his own thing), it’s just my mom and me. That might seem easier—cooking for only two people—but if your mom has dementia and her tastes keep changing, it’s not so simple. Let me explain…

My mom has never been a big eater. Like me, she’s always preferred snacking and eating a variety of small things. We both prefer nibbling over sitting down with a huge plate of food. My mom used to be a great cook. She always made a variety of dishes, and everything turned out delicious (I imagine that mom’s food is always the best… well, except for my kids’ case, hahahahaha). The only things she never liked were milk and cream. To this day, even though she forgets everything else, she still remembers she doesn’t like those.

Her tastes have changed. She always liked having a glass of wine with lunch or dinner, but for some time now, wine has been too strong for her. Now it’s all about beer. Yes, ladies and gentlemen: if I don’t give her a beer, SHE WON’T EAT. She says water is for fish and flat-out refuses to eat, hahahaha.

On another note, it seems like older people (or maybe just my mom) lose some of their sense of taste, and she finds all food bland. So, I have to add a lot of salt (bad for her blood pressure, so I don’t), ketchup, soy sauce, or any other sauce I can find (the spicier, the better). No matter what I give her to eat, it has to come with sauce. I also have to give her very soft foods or ones she doesn’t have to chew much. The funniest part is that every time she eats something (and I almost always give her the same things), she says, “This is delicious! I’ve never tried this before!” (while eating, for example, a banana). Hahahahaha.

Besides all of that, what’s most worrisome is that I can’t give her a knife anymore (we have to cut everything for her). She’ll ask questions like, “What’s this?” (referring to a fork or glass), “How do I eat this?”, “Do I eat this with my hands?”, “Do I drink this?”… And so it goes. If you’re not paying attention, like the other day when I left her with a cup of gazpacho, her plate of food, and her glass of beer, and went to the kitchen for a moment, you’ll come back to find that she’s poured the gazpacho onto her plate of food and the beer into the gazpacho cup.

I’ve also learned not to give her plates with pictures on them. One time, I gave her a plastic plate with SpongeBob on it, and I noticed she started pushing her food to one side. I asked, “Why are you moving your food?” and she said, “Because I don’t want to eat that one.” Sigh…

And none of this really matters because she’s never hungry. Her favorite phrase is: “I’m more thirsty than hungry.” I’ve already told her that’s what I’ll put on her tombstone:

“Here lies Carmen, the woman who was always more thirsty than hungry.”